I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
