And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He passed out mid-signature
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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