well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry about my life...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
