The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
