and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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