I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
