Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
