so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
