I cut my penus on the lid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
