I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
