Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
