is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
