dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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