i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
