We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
