i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
