guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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