I heard we made out
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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