Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
