"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
