So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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