There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
that may or may not have been my penis.
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