I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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