Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
