what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
