She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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