Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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