I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
