that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Welp...herpes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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