but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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