I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
