yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
