i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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