when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
