And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
