He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
