Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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