i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
