I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
