covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
