I wanna passion pit in your ass
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
