my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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