His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
