idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
