After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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