So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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