just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
