I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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