New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
