the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
